Thursday, October 31, 2013


shortly after my last post, my laptop broke, completely died. now i'm stuck with my mom's laptop, and i'm too scared to post from there because i have to give it back in a couple months, so i have to find time to hunt down an open computer on campus to post on here. i will try to update from my kindle, but since that doesn't have a keyboard they will be brief posts.

the more immersed i become in the ana world of twitter, the more i miss this blog and the way the ana community was when i first walked through its doors. pro ana and pro anorexia used to be completely different terms, but now people use them synonymously. i still consider myself pro ana, but i go by the old definition. nowadays, pro ana means pro anorexia, girls who view anorexia as a lifestyle choice and encourage others to join the ranks. but what it means to me is, simply, someone who doesn't want to recover, someone who genuinely has an eating disorder but has no intentions of getting better, and is open to talk to other anorexics without nagging them to eat and be healthy. but on twitter, girls with this mindset bash the pro ana label, thinking its something completely different. i don't understand it. i miss the way things used to be, i miss the way i used to be. i was an inspiration. i want to be that again, influential enough to get the right facts out there and get some support. i want to change the pro ana stigma back around.

the reason this issue has been on my mind is because of the attacks on the Skinny4Xmas challenge on twitter. the challenge is run by an online ana idol in australia (@EDSupportNetwork) and runs from the end of october through the end of december. each week has a different net calorie goal, meaning you don't count the calories you burn off from exercise. not even a week from its first day, my timeline was flooded with girls thanking @EDSupportNetwork for providing them with a support network, and many even claimed that the challenge helped them eat more instead of fasting. yet so many other girls are talking trash, saying it encourages starvation and isolates those who are dropped from the challenge. you can read the rules for yourself on @EDSupportNetwork's twitter page, but i want to make a couple things clear:

  1.  if Skinny4Xmas was meant to encourage starvation, she would have included fasting days like the ABC diet does. 
  3. even if you get dropped from the challenge and unfollowed, you can still play along and interact with others to get support.
  4. it is a CHALLENGE, not a COMPETITION. yes there are prizes, but you are only competing with yourself!
i truly feel that Skinny4Xmas has become more than a challenge, its become a movement. and all the Happy4Xmas haters and dimwits are going to ruin something beautiful. if you follow me or read my blog, PLEASE help me fight these misconceptions!!

as for me, i've been sticking with the challenge quite well. thinking about things in terms of net calories really makes me keep track of everything more. i've already dropped 4lbs since it started, and only plan on losing more. i miss frailty, pale skin, shaking hands. winter is skinny time.

stay strong, think thin, live ana


  1. I miss the old days, I really do.

    I hate how the terms have become conflated :(

  2. First of all, I absolutely love your blog and are a total inspiration to me! I sat down and read thru all your entries in one sitting.

    I'm very big into personality types and have been struggling with a eating disorder since I was 11. I had wondered how a persons personality type related to eating disorders and found this:

    There's a guy that goes by the name Elvis2010 who describes how certain personality types are more prone to eating disorders. He also goes on to explain Mia and what it's doing to your body and why it's basically an addicting trap to fall into.

    "INFJs have low dopamine, low serotonin, and high glutamate levels. Vomiting irritates the gut, where most serotonin is in the body, and causes serotonin level to rise. Raising serotonin via Prozac type drugs, called SSRIs, is the gold standard treatment with regards to the treatment of OCD, which most INFJs have to a varying degree. So if an INFJ does not get serotonin via a drug and is low in serotonin levels leading to OCD, they are going to be tempted to engage in vomiting. The thing people don't get with bulimia is that for people with bulimia, vomiting feels good."

    I know you want to quit Mia (which I don't blame you since she's faster at destroying the body and harder to repair than Ana) and if you're like me, at least knowing physically what's going on gives me the ability to mentally control and understand my body. :)

    I wish you luck in your endeavors and your fight with Mia. Though I never had purging issues (I make up for binges by extreme exercise and punish myself via fasting since I'm more of a extreme restrictor cuz of the control aspect) I can only imagine the frustrations she can bring into ones life.

    Stay strong (and not only in the food aspect of things) and think thin! <3


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