Wednesday, May 29, 2013

ABORT

i knew that the weight i was gaining was not entirely fat, and i knew it wasn't muscle either. i knew that it was completely unlike me to be unable to control my temptations for ice cream and spicy foods. i knew i wasn't just tired all the time because i was switching medications. i knew deep down, but i took a test anyway, right after wasting $40 on a morning-after pill. and that's when i found out, for sure, that i'm pregnant.

immediately: told the best friend
the next day: drank and smoked the shock into numbness
day three: made appointment for an abortion (this Saturday)
day four: told my mother (who took it well, actually) and got morning sickness for the first time.

and here i am, five days later. i can't believe it's been five days. five more days of this parasite slowly growing inside me. i need to stop it. i want it out.

drew and i broke up for good. i told him we both need to move on, that he'd flipped out and gone crazy on me for the last time. i refuse to give birth to his half-souled child. it's not a baby, it's a monster. and i just want it out.

stay strong, think thin, live ana
xoxoNikkioxox

5 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Oh dear. I really hope that everything can work out for you, hun. Glad that your mother was supportive though. Stay strong, it takes a lot of courage to do what you're doing.
    xx

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  3. how can you call your baby a monster? i think you're the monster here!!

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  4. Despite what anyone will tell you, this was your baby. They can't make you're decisions for you. This was your choice. No one could make it for you. XXX STAY STRONG XXX

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  5. Despite what anyone will tell you, this was your baby. They can't make you're decisions for you. This was your choice. No one could make it for you. XXX STAY STRONG XXX

    ReplyDelete

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