i knew that the weight i was gaining was not entirely fat, and i knew it wasn't muscle either. i knew that it was completely unlike me to be unable to control my temptations for ice cream and spicy foods. i knew i wasn't just tired all the time because i was switching medications. i knew deep down, but i took a test anyway, right after wasting $40 on a morning-after pill. and that's when i found out, for sure, that i'm pregnant.
immediately: told the best friend
the next day: drank and smoked the shock into numbness
day three: made appointment for an abortion (this Saturday)
day four: told my mother (who took it well, actually) and got morning sickness for the first time.
and here i am, five days later. i can't believe it's been five days. five more days of this parasite slowly growing inside me. i need to stop it. i want it out.
drew and i broke up for good. i told him we both need to move on, that he'd flipped out and gone crazy on me for the last time. i refuse to give birth to his half-souled child. it's not a baby, it's a monster. and i just want it out.
stay strong, think thin, live ana