Friday, March 8, 2013

happy pills

my mother and i pulled into the hospital parking lot . we sat in the car to smoke one more cig before heading up to Dr. C's office for my first psychiatrist appointment . i didn't really know what to expect . i was nervous , and even more nervous because i foresaw the conversation she started after lighting her Marlboro Menthol Light 100.

"you have to be honest with him," she said . she was worried about drug interactions , and even more worried about my heart . she knew what i was doing , i didn't have to lie .

and of course , all i said was , "i'm fine."



while i was filling out paperwork i swear she glanced over when i wrote 105 in careful print in the box labeled "WEIGHT."

*    *    *

i awkwardly greeted the middle-aged indian man who was about to diagnose my sickness based on a short conversation and give me magic beans to plant happy thoughts in my brain . i told him i had anxiety , worried all the time , had no appetite and couldn't sleep . he gave me two brain vitamins , prozac and seroquil , a trailmix of brain boosters and serotonin shooters .

i'm starting to feel better . i'm sleeping . ana isn't so angry all the time . i'm not so angry all the time . i starve out of determination , not guilt .



i got a new job at Crazy Bowls & Wraps , free super-healthy food every time i work , relaxed atmosphere , and friendly customers . i'm going to try to work at subway still too , so i'll be making bank and burning calories out the ass .

it's like as i get closer and closer to my UGW , the rest of my life is falling into place too . i even hooked up with my best friend who i've been crushing on for a while , but that's another story for another day .
(i've always believed this , and it's finally happening)

well , i have to start getting ready for this rave tonight . me and the bestie are gonna be a couple of sexy pretty rave girls . and speaking of pretty rave girls , here's a link to my latest thinspo video : RAVESPO .

stay strong , think thin , live ana
xoxoNikkioxox