Thursday, November 15, 2012

"i know this pretty rave girl .."

dubstep is more than music to me . and raves are more than techno-parties . dubstep is every powerful emotion you feel - anger , passion , sadness , happiness - turned into sound . it's raw , it's in your face , it's dirty , it's YOUTH . a rave isn't just the new hip scene , it's not just the night all the weirdos show up at the club , it's home to me . i don't even have to be fucked up to feel the warmness rush over me when i step into a rave . i see the lights , feel the bass and the bodyheat , smell the sweat and blunt smoke , and i'm ready to rage my ass off .

my best friend is the one who introduced me to this wonderful world . smoking weed is the basis of our friendship , so i'll just call her Jane or MJ on here . she's , like , definition of "pretty rave girl." skinny as hell too . she's giving me all her old jeans since she just went down a size , so i gotta get these fat legs ready for size 1 skinnies . i wanted to get under 110 by my birthday in december , surely by then i'll go down a jean size !!

i just want so badly to stand by MJ and feel like we're a pair , not like i'm the fat sidekick to the cute hippie chick . i wanna dance at raves without worrying about my thighs wobbling while i'm moving or about looking fat in my booty shorts . i just wanna be free . i just wanna be thin .

now , when i stand , my knees touch , but my calves and thighs don't . it's barely a gap , but it's there . i'm getting there . i'll be happy someday .

stay strong , think thin , live ana
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