Tuesday, October 9, 2012

getting there (progress pix in this one !!)

(this is me at around 140lbs)



(this is me at 123lbs , look at the difference !!!!)

i've made a lot of progress since my last post , and not just with my weight loss . i got a new job near my school and apartment , so i can finally get settled here . i feel a little torn between two places since drew is still a good 45 minute drive away , but i'm slowly finding a balance . my roommate moved out so i have the room to myself now (which is great because i can finally exercise and occasionally eat in solitude) , and i've been cleaning and organizing and decorating and making the place all my own .

i've noticed lately that i'm thinking more like an adult , or maybe it's just my eating disorder diffusing into the rest of my brain and making me obsessively organized , because i really keep track of my shit now , and i clean like a maniac (which burns calories !!) . i keep a separate planner from the one i use for school to keep track of my weight , intake , exercise and B/Ps . i even record how many diet pills i take in a day and at what time !! i have noticed that over time , less and less space in the squares is filled up by the blue writing that indicates food intake . many of them are blank , other than the diet pills .

i don't plan what i eat , or when/how much i exercise . when i do that , i always deviate from my plan or my school/work/social life conflicts with it or i just plain fuck it up and then i feel like shit about myself . but when i just wing it , i feel pretty good . i have to strategize somewhat to beat plateaus (like the one i'm trying to beat right now) , but i don't even have to try to restrict my eating . i've gotten to the point where food just doesn't appeal to me . if i have to eat , i dread it . i honestly do like the taste of most things (i've lost my appetite for a lot of things) , but i absolutely hate the feeling of food in my stomach . anything more than a handful of food gets rejected if i can find a way (and i do , almost always . i've only "kept" twice in the last 3 weeks or so). if i feel weak , i eat something small , or just drink water or black coffee . i have more important things to do than eat , and more important goals to accomplish than maintaining my health .

now that i'm not driving back and forth from my hometown as much , i have a lot more spare time . i didn't even realize how busy i was until i finally got some real free-time , and it felt STRANGE to me . the first free night i had , i thought i was going to lose my mind because there was absolutely nothing to do !! my apartment doesn't have a TV yet , i was done with my homework , and i ended up going to bed early just to end the boredom . i would've blogged , but i couldn't think of anything to say . but , i'm finally back :) maybe with all this free time i'll start making thinspo videos again or something . i have been tweeting a lot more often , if any of you guys follow me (or want to follow me) .

this was a pretty generalupdateblahblahboring post , and i promise the next one will be more interesting  . i have stories to tell y'all :)

stay strong , think thin , live ana
xoxoNikkioxox
@sickk_nikki

9 comments:

  1. I AM SO GLAD YOUR DOING BETTER! you look fucking awesome now! you tummy is nice and toned! good work.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Omg the difference is amazing. Keep it up love <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a difference! I'm SO glad you are back! I don't think anyone has forgotten about you. Your blog was what inspired me to start my own so it brings me great joy to hear from you again!!
    love always,
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  4. Damn you've made some epic progress! I took pics but I'm too afraid to post them. Lost about 7 kg between shots but I can't see a difference at all >.<

    Thank you for reminding me that cleaning burns calories! I need to make a post-it of that and put it on my wall!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You look great! So much more proof that it's possible- you're the same height and start weight as I was. In fact, you're the girl I identify most with because of this. I remember reading when your current weight was about 10lbs higher and I was like 'wow. I can't wait to be there'. I reached it and gained a load back. You're practically at my GW now! If you can do it, so can I! xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. You look fantastic! That progress is awesomeness. My best progress always comes with just winging it too! Seriously, girl, you look great the way you are now. I don't even think you need to lose any more weight. You're doing wonderful!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You look so beautiful. Im jealous thanks for the thinspiration.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Your stomach looks amazing now! Keep up the good work! So thinspiring :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Just wondering when you'll be doing more progress pics? Seeing as you're at a new LW. I can't wait to be where you are. Thought I'd ask here, not Twitter for a change :) xx

    ReplyDelete

*** note: hater comments will be deleted ***