Saturday, March 17, 2012

make your own happiness, whatever it takes.

it's been a while since i made that last post. maybe, back then, i wasn't ready to jump right back into ana's arms. 

but now i am.

i only eat a couple times a week, during those dreaded dinners at drew's house. the situation with him won't surprise you: yes, i still talk to him. yes, i still love him; and no, i'm not done with him. he's my best friend, and it's hard to let that go. even just yesterday when i was having a breakdown over my recent self-injury relapse, he was there, and he knew exactly how to make me feel better. it's going to be hard, and the feelings and flirtations will always be in the air between us, but i'm keeping my distance. because now there's something pulling me in a different direction, away from drew and his games and lies: 

my new boyfriend.

after nearly a year and a half of dealing with drew's bullshit and all the resulting pain, i have finally moved on. his name is brian, he's hot, plays guitar and drums (WELL), he's in a band, and he treats me like a princess. he's the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time.

fate has finally dealt me a couple good cards. i'm getting stronger, slowly detaching myself from drew. i don't intend to separate completely, but just enough to distance myself from the hurt. but you can't expect happiness to be handed to you. you have to do some of the dirty work on your own. i've dropped ten pounds in the past two weeks and i am back in the fucking game. i'm gonna get just as skinny as that rat-faced bitch lyssa, and then even skinnier. i'm going to make myself beautiful. irresistible. even after just these ten pounds i've noticed more guys paying attention to me. i'm going to make drew regret letting me go.

i'm getting my shit together. it just took a little time for me to get back in the swing of this. 

stay strong, think thin, live ana


  1. Its wonderful you have a new boyfriend! I hope he makes you so happy. And I'm glad that drew is finally fading into the background. Ten pounds is really fantastic so I'm pleased things are looking up for you <3

  2. Omg I'm so happy you're back!!! Glad you're sticking with it this time and wish you the best. This is the only lifestyle that works for me too. Please keep writing!!

  3. im not trying to hate but i was wanting to give you some friendly advice. im so happy for you that things are looking up for you (= thats great. but that doesnt mean that what your doing is good for you. i was anorexic a little over a year ago and i had almost reached my goal weight of 95 lbs i was at 103. but then i joined a rugby team and realized what true happiness is. if you want to diet then that is great and good for you but dont do this to your body you are just killing yourself and i would hate for someone who seems as nice as you to do that to themselves.


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