Friday, August 5, 2011

sex burns 360 calories per hour

no wonder i've finally managed to lose another 2lbs.

but at the same time, i'm worried as fuck.

a few nights ago, my drew and i were high as fuck, and a few minutes after making me OG for the first time, he convinced me to let us try going without a condom. we didn't do it for very long, but only because i finally made him stop. we'd agreed to only slip it in once, and he did that... but then we just kept going. pressed skin to skin, fingers digging into eachothers backs, i'd never felt so close to someone in my life. my eyes watered, just from feeling so completely in love with him. i don't regret a moment of it.

but at the same time, i know, what the fuck was i thinking?

and feeling so close to drew has just made me feel even worse about keeping my relapse a secret from him. i was so sure that he would find out anyway considering the healing scabs on my knuckles and hand, but he's apparently oblivious. my bulimia has gotten completely out of hand, i barely have a gag reflex anymore, i cough up blood, and i've almost fainted a couple times. i want to lose weight, absolutely, but not like this. like my friend said last night, "just not eating isn't as bad as throwing up." i'd much rather take that route.

i know i've been saying this forever, but i really feel the walls closing in on me now. i have to tell him.

stay strong, think thin, live ana
xoxoSammioxox

6 comments:

  1. If your heart says you have to tell him, do it. <3 From the sounds of it, you're in a really bad part of your mia right now. Ana is easier than mia...Uh, not that I'm persuading you to pick up the former, but Mia does seem to have it out to kill her followers.

    Sammi, tell Drew-it'll make things easier. Follow your heart. It wants the best for you.

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  2. I agree with Stealthy, tell him. I'm sure he'll understand and be supportive x

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  3. So sorry about the bulimia. It's so addictive.

    Loving someone makes it all more painful....but it's love. Isn't it worth it? We know you can do the right thing.

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  4. Hi Sammi, it's been a while, I hope you are the Drewmeister are keeping okay.

    I have linked my most recent blog post below, please read it. This is not a publicity plug. I am going to link my ED blog to my regular blog over the coming year and it might affect the traffic that comes through your blog because you are featured in my links section.

    http://dandelion---clock.blogspot.com/?zx=33877a4994686df

    If you want be protected against this, let me know and I will make it happen.

    Lots of love,
    Dande
    xxx

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  5. I hope you are ok I know I have absolutly no acid reflex left and I'm now trying out Ana style but I'm starting a fast today dose anyone have any tips on how to susceed in my month long fast with eating only once every week and making it only 300 cals at most

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