i found a couple things on youtube tonight that i just thought i'd share. first is this song, brought me straight to fucking tears. one of the singers in the band wrote it for his girlfriend who struggled with eating disorders and depression. if you pay attention to the lyrics, it really hits home for us anas. it's just one of those songs that you wish a guy would sing to you.
next, i don't know if you've seen this video before because it's pretty popular, but i just found it today. this girl is ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS, and i just loved her story. she's so relateable, it's nice not to feel so alone. and somehow, listening to her talk about how little she ate, how good the hunger felt, just started pulling me even farther back into ana. as of tonight, part of me just wants to lay low for the next few weeks, and then stop eating again when i go to school. meanwhile, the recovery side of me says, "you're going to spin out of fucking control. you have to tell andrew, so he can keep tabs on you. you're going to make a wreck of yourself." anyways, i'm rambling...
this last one is just for the fuck of it, because i'm obsessed with this song. this chick is SO badass. i wanna learn how to rap now!
well, that's all for now, ladies. i'll be back in a few days after most likely fattening up on my 3 day vacation. 3 days with no cigarettes, no weed (mind you i've only had one sober day in the past 2 weeks, and usually smoke multiple times a day), and no chances to purge. fml. i'm pretty sure i'm going vegetarian again. fuck it.
stay strong, think thin, live ana