Tuesday, May 24, 2011

"how we survive is what makes us who we are."

by the end of the summer, this quote will be sitting on my hip in permanent ink. i'll take every jolt of pain from that needle in my skin with pride. why? because this quote rings so true for me, it's a philosophy that i live by every day. my past, my struggles, my battles, won or lost, are all just the elements that have shaped me into the person that i am today. am i proud of my mistakes? no. but i'm not ashamed of my past. that's why i'm not going to delete this blog, even if it is exposed by some anonymous little pussyshit. why wait for the opportune moment, anon? you're no threat to me. i'm putting this eating disorder behind me, for good. this blog isn't an opportunity for blackmail, it's a document of my past. it's truth, raw and real. it's a place that has given me a sense of community during the times when i've felt most alone. it's helped me survive what my life has thrown at me. i am not ashamed of these words that i've published over the months and months that this blog has been alive.

my name is sammi, and i am a recovering EDNOS sufferer.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

i'm back, bitches!

i can't believe i've been gone from this blog for so long. first i was too depressed to write, and then my computer broke. but here i am!

i'm sure you all want to know what happened with drew. well, he finally came to his senses, dumped lyssa, and came back to me a little while later. we went to prom together, it was amazing, and we're more in love than ever. our relationship is so strong, even with all the trouble he's gotten in after getting busted with pot, and even through all the bullshit drama stirred up by lyssa and a few other people.

he just makes me so happy. to be honest, i'm not sure if i want this life anymore. he loves me just the way i am, and told me i have a perfect body. he even said he doesn't like skinny girls, and that "even lyssa is pushing it." for a while, i was feeling content with myself. for the first time in years. but somehow those old thoughts started to creep back again, and i found myself on my pro ana facebook page, texting my pro ana buddies, and landed back on the blog.

i've missed blogging so much, and all of you. i'm not sure what direction i'm going to end up going with myself; i really don't think i can put drew through that. it's like i'm fighting, but not sure if i want to. it's hard to explain. i think i'm going to continue blogging, because i love this community and i am very supportive of the "my body, my choice" philosophy. i don't know how often i'll be able to post, but i'll try my best.

stay strong,
xoxoNikkioxox

P.S.: dear anonymous,
PISS OFF. you're an ignorant little bitch, thinking that eating disorders are funny. if your best friend was in the position that we are, i'm sure you'd see things a little differently. wanna show people my blog? you obviously haven't yet, or it would be all over school. you don't even have the balls to say who you are. so why don't you go fuck yourself. that is all.