Monday, March 7, 2011

second best

i'm sorry i left you guys hanging after that depressing post... i'm here, i'm alive. i guess. this situation with drew just keeps getting more and more fucking complicated.

friday night, he told me he was probably going to break up with lyssa. i got my hopes up. my friend who i was with told me i was acting like a little kid who was just told he'd won a lifetime supply of candy and a trip to disneyland. but by the end of the night, he said he was undecided.

saturday we hung out, me, him, and a bunch of his friends. we were cuddling and holding hands in the back of his friends car. we got into tickle fights every five minutes. late that night, i was at work, and one of our friends texted me saying he was almost crying, because he's so torn between me and lyssa. sunday, he was still acting all depressed.

i really don't know what to do. apparently he's planning on having sex with her over spring break, but after all that flirting saturday? and flirting again today at lunch? god, just the thought of them doing that... it makes me wanna fall to pieces.

and there's two other guys thrown into the equation now. one of them wants to ask me out, but i keep telling him i don't want a relationship. i don't even see him that way anymore. this is the same guy who tried to ask me out the last time that me and drew broke up. the other guy... i think we've been flirting lately, but i can't tell if he's just being friendly. i have the tiniest bit of crush on him. i felt that little jolt in my chest when our hands brushed today...

i really don't know.

here's a link to a new vid, btw. check it out.

stay strong, think thin, live ana
xoxoNikkioxox

4 comments:

  1. Sweetie, tell drew to make a decision because you can't move on while hes screwing you around like this. He has no right to do this to either of you. Keep your chin up and do things for yourself. Remember to live for you not drew. You are gorgeous and I can't believe what he's doing to you. Your songs are beautiful <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmm. I was reading this and thinking about all the drew drama, and then I realized something..he's 15/16 right? and you're 17? I'm assuming you're also a fellow senior? My advice...do what you need for you. Graduating means a huge transition. Life is short, so live it up while you can. Go smoke, party, flirt all you want. Do not however, mope around over some boy that's confused and doesn't know what he wants. (He should want you, but if he's too blind to realize that, leave his ass). Sorry if it's harsh, but you know you deserve better.

    ReplyDelete
  3. He needs to get his shit together and make a decision!

    It sucks you're all in this horrible situation. Hold in there, you'll get through this.

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  4. Seriously? I wish you could step out of your body for a few minutes and see how amazing and pretty you are just the way you are right now. You don't need to lose weight, seriously? And you are so talented! I just saw some of your other songs (youtube) from your link and you have SO much to offer, if some guy is dumb enough not to realize it then it's his loss!

    Geez, if you could only see step outside and see how beautiful you really are you would not think the way you do!!

    The way you talk about yourself on this website I thought you really must have something to hide or something to lose because you are so hard on yourself but now that I see what you really look like, I think you are crazy!! You are so amazing, you just don't see it! Don't scar yourself up by cutting anymore, you are worth so much more than that!! Be confident and strong in who you are, and let the guys chase you!

    Once you get out of high school (which seems like the whole world right now, but it is really NOT, there is soooo much beyond that) you will see, you will have guys falling all over themselves for you, and you just need to hang back and let them come after you! :)

    ReplyDelete

*** note: hater comments will be deleted ***