Wednesday, February 16, 2011

weedspo wednesday!

i remembered! it takes a while to find good ones, cuz you can't just google "weedspo," so i'll just be uploading a few every week. eventually make a video. woot!

so, remember mrs. w? my psych teacher who i used to go talk to all the time and knows about my disorders? well i was feeling so depressed and overwhelmed today that i went to talk to her after school. i told her about the mood swings, the anxiety, the guilt over drew not knowing about my disorder, everything going on in my mind pretty much (not the sex part. even with her, the coolest teacher ever, just... no lol). she actually put things in a really different perspective.

as for my depression and anxiety, since it's untriggered and very physical as well as emotional, she thinks it's just my body being used to being depressed and anxious. even though it's been months since i was living in a stressful situation at my old house, my body still hasn't caught up and realized, "it's okay to be happy now! nothing bad is going on!" i'll give it a little more time to test this theory because it makes sense. but it really could go either way. did i become depressed and anxious because of my former situation, or did i develop depression and anxiety disorders because of my former situation?

and as for telling drew, she said my guilt was unnecessary. that he doesn't need to know. "he's your boyfriend, not your therapist," she said. i agree with that completely. i don't want his "help," i just feel like he should know, given as serious as we are. i told her this. and she told me the perfect way to tell him: "i want to tell you something because i don't want to hide it from you and i want to be straightforward, i don't want to talk about it, i have eating problems, i don't want you to worry about me, wanna go bowling friday?" i actually like that format. quick, simple, to the point, and then change the subject at the end. i'm still not sure exactly how or when i'm going to tell him, i still don't know for sure if i need to tell him before we have sex, but i think something along these lines would work pretty well.

i wrote this thingy earlier today that i was going to post, but it's depressing and i just feel too okay right now to post it lol. maybe later. enjoy the weedspo, ladies. haha i can't believe no ones started a weedspo movement before. what can i say, i'm a trendsetter. :D

stay strong, think thin, live ana
xoxoNikkioxox

5 comments:

  1. Trendsetter it is. I'm glad you have someone like mrs w. It can be really useful even if you aren't trying to 'get better', just to keep things real and get a good perspective on everything. =] <3

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  2. its good to have some one to talk to

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  3. Love the weedspo :D your teacher is definitly right no need to make a big commotion over this, especially because you don't want to give Ana up <3 stay strong beautiful

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  4. Hello girls I have returned to blogger after trying to lose weight the healthy way and developing a better mental health I gave up I threw it all away to become "Delicate!!" Threw all my hard work away so I could eat from one extreme to another, to get to my goals quicker!! As many of us do we give up and think it will be easier and quicker to try a stupid diet which you only end up binging and back to square one!!

    I am ashamed of my choices and want to continue down my path of being healthy!! I can not believe I nearly threw it all away!! I have decided to give it my all 100% and nothing less!! I will reach my GOALS but in a HEALTHY way!!

    I too want to look great in a Bikini, in that Little Party Dress, in those CK Jeans but I want to ROCK them without feeling GUILTY, without LYING to all those around me and to not be KILLING MYSELF in the process!! I want to look HOT in ULTIMATE HEALTH and HAPPINESS, I want to have AWESOME SELF ESTEEM and I want to ROCK CONFIDENCE!! I want to earn the JOY of achieving HEALTH - HAPPINESS - SELF ESTEEM and CONFIDENCE the right way not the wrong way!! I want this more than anything in LIFE and I am going to get it !! It is now or never, there is no looking back!! Please support me and I will return the favor!! I choose to follow girls with distorted eating as I feel they understand what I am going through compared to "normal eating" girls they just think I am crazy!!

    http://never----ever----give----up.blogspot.com/2011/02/one-place-to-another.html

    I am putting this every where because I know I will influence at least one person out in this great big world to never give up and to keep trying!!

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  5. hi! my blog is not a billboard! i'm not ashamed to be pro-ana! i have no interest in being "healthy" or eating "normally!" so please take your pro-recovery advertisements and lectures somewhere else! thanks!!

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