Wednesday, February 16, 2011
so, remember mrs. w? my psych teacher who i used to go talk to all the time and knows about my disorders? well i was feeling so depressed and overwhelmed today that i went to talk to her after school. i told her about the mood swings, the anxiety, the guilt over drew not knowing about my disorder, everything going on in my mind pretty much (not the sex part. even with her, the coolest teacher ever, just... no lol). she actually put things in a really different perspective.
as for my depression and anxiety, since it's untriggered and very physical as well as emotional, she thinks it's just my body being used to being depressed and anxious. even though it's been months since i was living in a stressful situation at my old house, my body still hasn't caught up and realized, "it's okay to be happy now! nothing bad is going on!" i'll give it a little more time to test this theory because it makes sense. but it really could go either way. did i become depressed and anxious because of my former situation, or did i develop depression and anxiety disorders because of my former situation?
and as for telling drew, she said my guilt was unnecessary. that he doesn't need to know. "he's your boyfriend, not your therapist," she said. i agree with that completely. i don't want his "help," i just feel like he should know, given as serious as we are. i told her this. and she told me the perfect way to tell him: "i want to tell you something because i don't want to hide it from you and i want to be straightforward, i don't want to talk about it, i have eating problems, i don't want you to worry about me, wanna go bowling friday?" i actually like that format. quick, simple, to the point, and then change the subject at the end. i'm still not sure exactly how or when i'm going to tell him, i still don't know for sure if i need to tell him before we have sex, but i think something along these lines would work pretty well.
i wrote this thingy earlier today that i was going to post, but it's depressing and i just feel too okay right now to post it lol. maybe later. enjoy the weedspo, ladies. haha i can't believe no ones started a weedspo movement before. what can i say, i'm a trendsetter. :D
stay strong, think thin, live ana