Thursday, February 10, 2011

don't you see these secrets screaming behind my eyes?

i'm holding it in. i'm holding it all in like a big hit of weed. every time i'm around him i feel pangs of guilt, and whenever i'm away from him it just comes in waves. at lunch, he dangles pieces of lettuce in front of my face. then shakes a chip bag in my face. pours out chips in front of me, expecting me to eat. puts a smoothie straw to my lips. i can't tell is he's just doing this accidentally, or if he's suspicious. as if he's not sure whether i'm going to eat more than what he sees me eat.

every time he tells me he loves me i just wanna say it back. but it's always over text and i wanna make it in person. so i'm going to tell him saturday. that's not as hard to tell him, but it's just added pressure inside my mind.

idk what to fucking do anymore. goddammit. if i weren't blazed as fuck right now i'd be having a breakdown.

SHIT! YESTERDAY WAS WEDNESDAY! It was supposed to be "weedspo wednesday." dammit... next week. fo shizzle. dammit and i was high yesterday too.

but yeah. this chick at work just out of the blue says she's got a blunt in the car and asks if i wanna smoke. i'm like, "hell yeah mother fucker!" so we did and then these people came in and got sandwiches and one of the guys put his fingers to his mouth and whispered, "did you two just toke it up?" hahahha. shit son.

love you :)

stay strong, think thin, live ana
xoxoNikkioxox

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