just gotta say, I GOT INTO EDWARDSVILLE! WITH A SCHOLARSHIP THAT WILL COVER HALF MY TUITION! HOLY MOTHER OF SHITFUCK!!!!!!!!!
i had to mention that. :)
anyways, alex and i hung out for a couple hours today. she's skinny enough to pull off bright red and black plaid skinny jeans (i'm so effing jealous.). we sat in some person's driveway near school to smoke. naturally, we ended up talking about ana. she asked me if i'd told drew yet, and i told her that i hadn't, but i've mentioned things. when i told him the whole story with my mom, i included the phrase "food issues" within the 5 page text. he didn't directly respond to that. when he kept giving me shit for bringing a miniscule snack to lunch and always tearing my food into small pieces or taking small bites, i told him i have insecurities with my weight and eating in front of people. he told me he wouldn't joke about it anymore and was sorry even though i swore he didn't need to be (and he really didn't, i take no offense to people telling me i eat too little lol). and he told me he honestly doesn't think i'm fat. and, once again, if he ever directly asked me, i wouldn't lie to him.
it was nice confiding in alex. she understands the whole crying-in-the-bathroom-saying-sorry-to-your-boyfriend-even-though-he-isn't-there-and-doesn't-know-right-before-you-stick-a-finger-down-your-throat-and-puke-your-guts-out-even-though-you-feel-so-guilty-about-it thing. she says she's been slipping up, eating only a yogurt and some carrots at lunch, and her boyfriend's been noticing and bugging her about it. she's fighting for recovery though, for him. she's already pretty damn skinny, frigging 109lbs. as we sat on a bench pointing out skinny girls who passed by, i found myself thinking, "and you're way closer to that than me."
i'm getting there though. 125lbs, here i effing come. i have until february 12. i wanna look good in a dress like this, something edgy, and i'm thinkin' purple:
let's rock this bitch.
stay strong, think thin, live ana