i haven't written on this blog in so long. somehow, i decided i didn't need it anymore. i felt nearly fully recovered, eating twice a day without much thought about it. the anxiety was rare. i even got a tattoo of the eating disorder recovery symbol, accented in green to represent my rise from the clutches of EDNOS. i was doing okay. college was going great, and i was making new friends, partying hard, enjoying the freedom. drew and i were on a break, but i knew he was coming back soon. we had some ups and downs, but it was all going to be okay in the end. i was making up for my mistakes, and he was making up for his.
then he got back with lyssa.
for four long months i have waited in patient pain. after a while, i gave up on telling him how hurt i was. after losing one of my best friends just because she got tired of hearing me talk about him, i withdrew into myself. kept all the pain, hurt, rage, everything locked away inside of my quiet exterior. and i didn't just throw myself a pity party forever. it took a long time, but a few weeks ago i started trying to move on. i started talking to people, flirting, putting myself out there. i ended up with an amazing guy practically worshipping the ground i walked on, not to mention a few other people eyeing me as well, and that made me happy for a couple short days before i realized it wasn't what i wanted. something was missing it wasn't drew. i started ignoring all of them, and last night when the really sweet guy texted me while i was with drew, he saw it and i let him tell the poor kid to "fuck off." "it's sammi's guy," he said. "the one she's liked and been with for 11 months." i couldn't believe he'd acknowledged that it was the day that would've marked 11 months since he'd asked me out.
stay strong, think thin, live ana