after a lot of thinking, and an ultimatum from my dad, i've decided to go over there tomorrow morning... i'm really not looking forward to it, but i'm going to take my grandma's advice and just repeat to myself over and over: "this is for lauren, and you're getting free stuff."
my favorite thing he's done so far: last night, a big group of us (3 couples) went for a walk to smoke cigarettes. on the way back, he randomly stopped, pulled me in close and said, "did you know you're amazing?" and kissed me. it knocked me off my feet. all i could think to myself was, "how did i stumble upon someone as incredible as you?"
i just hope he doesn't change his mind as he gets to know me. once he sees my past, the scars i bear inside and out, what will he think? i want to believe it won't change how much he cares. he seems like the kind of guy who wouldn't cut and run, but i know he'll see me differently. but maybe he's the kind of guy who could be my hero.
anyways, i've made it through the liquid fast so far. i'll probably make a mug of hot tea to get me through the rest of tonight (i'm going to be up until i finish my latest musical project, a cover of "airplanes" by b.o.b. and haley williams). i'm going to try my best to just eat dinner tomorrow (like i'm going to have an appetite in the morning at "christmas breakfast."), then penance fasting sunday before i leave for my trip. sounds like a plan? i think so.
i hope you all have good christmases (unless you're jewish, in which case i'm sorry i forgot to wish you happy hanukah/chanuka/howeveryouliketospellit). here's some holiday thinspo to wrap up this attention defecit post: