Friday, December 24, 2010

"you're amazing"

after a lot of thinking, and an ultimatum from my dad, i've decided to go over there tomorrow morning... i'm really not looking forward to it, but i'm going to take my grandma's advice and just repeat to myself over and over: "this is for lauren, and you're getting free stuff."

i managed to avoid eating at andrew's rather easily last night. he didn't pressure me at all. basically the party was 4 couples piled on the couch in his basement talking and making out, with a couple breaks for food and smokes. it felt so right in his arms, a perfect fit. we didn't make out, but we were kissing all night. and honestly, after molly and dan, i'm totally content with that. i'm not sure i want to get very physical for a while. i actually told him this today (without mentioning names or details), and he said he was glad i felt that way, because he wanted to take it slow. it blows my mind. he gets more amazing with every day that goes by. i expected dating a guy to be way different than it is with him. but he has such a sweet side. for one of his xmas presents, i burnt him a cd. the last track was me playing and singing our song, "all i want" by staind. later that night when he listened to it, he said it brought him to tears. he's the best guy in the world. and i love how innocent we are.

my favorite thing he's done so far: last night, a big group of us (3 couples) went for a walk to smoke cigarettes. on the way back, he randomly stopped, pulled me in close and said, "did you know you're amazing?" and kissed me. it knocked me off my feet. all i could think to myself was, "how did i stumble upon someone as incredible as you?"

i just hope he doesn't change his mind as he gets to know me. once he sees my past, the scars i bear inside and out, what will he think? i want to believe it won't change how much he cares. he seems like the kind of guy who wouldn't cut and run, but i know he'll see me differently. but maybe he's the kind of guy who could be my hero.

anyways, i've made it through the liquid fast so far. i'll probably make a mug of hot tea to get me through the rest of tonight (i'm going to be up until i finish my latest musical project, a cover of "airplanes" by b.o.b. and haley williams). i'm going to try my best to just eat dinner tomorrow (like i'm going to have an appetite in the morning at "christmas breakfast."), then penance fasting sunday before i leave for my trip. sounds like a plan? i think so.

i hope you all have good christmases (unless you're jewish, in which case i'm sorry i forgot to wish you happy hanukah/chanuka/howeveryouliketospellit). here's some holiday thinspo to wrap up this attention defecit post:

stay strong, think thin, live ana


  1. I wish you a good Christmas, love.
    9AND AWHH Drew XD)etter than you think! :D
    (and AWHH Drew XD)
    sending you my love :)

  2. Merry Christmas =] I had an awful eating one, but otherwise nice. Hope being at your mums isn't too bad!

    I am actually in tears right now because I am SO incredibly incredibly happy for you.
    You've been through a lot and you deserve this, you deserve to be happy and this guy sounds simply PERFECT.

    Merry Christmas honey, seems Santa got you a nice present :)

    LOVE, x


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