Tuesday, November 16, 2010

boys, best friends, bulimia



i really just don't understand the male kind. me and jay had so much fun saturday, and i've barely heard from him since. i know that's just how guys are, but at the same time i'm paranoid that something's wrong...

i'm starting to like dan a lot too. he's the one i can vent to. and even though he's a sophomore (i'm a senior), it doesn't feel that way when i talk to him or i'm around him. we trust eachother. he's told me things that he hasn't told anyone else. when we hung out as a group after school to go walk and smoke cigarettes, me and dan were kindof off in our own little world, and my friend later noted that we seemed to be "having our moments." i don't know if dan sees me that way or not. if he did, i would probably give him a chance, given that jay is being so stupid...

yesterday, my friend alex became my absolute best friend. we had this really deep talk and ended up both talking about our history with eating disorders. until our conversation i never even knew she had struggled with one. it was so easy to be open with her about it. i even told her about pro-ana, something i'd never told anyone before. i noticed today she only brought celery and a nutrigrain bar for lunch. we shared the celery.

on the way to 7th hour at school today, i stumbled. behind me i heard some guy yell, "haha the fat chick almost fell!" then i heard laughing. then i found myself holding back tears. dan saw me in the hallway, texted me a few minutes later asking what was wrong. i told him what happened. he said, "sorry beautiful." i hung onto that for a few hours. but by the time dinner came and my mom was shoving plate after plate in front of me, i lost it.

trigger.
trigger.
trigger.
BAM.

hello, mia. hey ana. good to see you guys again. missed you :)

stay strong, think thin, live ana
xoxoNikkioxox

6 comments:

  1. Hey girlie!

    Gosh, yeah guys can be so lame sometimes. I don't get it either, but, it sounds like Dan is quite a sweetheart!! And if he text you that, i bet he does like you that way! Make a move maybe?

    And that is great you can talk to her so easy! I have someone i can talk to and its so helpful! Not getting judged by a real life friend who just lets you be and listens is thee best!

    So are you on a certain diet? Or are you more mia than ana?

    if ya ever need to chat, let me know hun!

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  2. WOw Dan does sound sweet =] yay for best buddies. And yep, guys are weird like that. Try not to worry too much. Glad to hear your doing better =] <3

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  3. Dan sounds amazing! Still, guys suck, guys suck bum and there is nothing you can do to change.
    Keep on going love, you can do this,be strong!! X

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  4. hey sweetie its lulu from de-fine-beauty i was discovered so i made a new blog purify-me.blogspot.com and would love it if u could post my link in ur nxt post so i can get my followers back! lol ill probably just txt u too!

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  5. hey
    stay strong and positive hun
    try not to turn to ed there are better ways to cope with things.. but i know how it is and it is waaay easier said than done.
    xx

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  6. If one should binge on food, let it be on fruits and vegetables. Doing so will be beneficial for the body because these foods are rich in essential nutrients, so it will not really harm much if you stock up on it.

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