Tuesday, November 16, 2010
boys, best friends, bulimia
i really just don't understand the male kind. me and jay had so much fun saturday, and i've barely heard from him since. i know that's just how guys are, but at the same time i'm paranoid that something's wrong...
i'm starting to like dan a lot too. he's the one i can vent to. and even though he's a sophomore (i'm a senior), it doesn't feel that way when i talk to him or i'm around him. we trust eachother. he's told me things that he hasn't told anyone else. when we hung out as a group after school to go walk and smoke cigarettes, me and dan were kindof off in our own little world, and my friend later noted that we seemed to be "having our moments." i don't know if dan sees me that way or not. if he did, i would probably give him a chance, given that jay is being so stupid...
yesterday, my friend alex became my absolute best friend. we had this really deep talk and ended up both talking about our history with eating disorders. until our conversation i never even knew she had struggled with one. it was so easy to be open with her about it. i even told her about pro-ana, something i'd never told anyone before. i noticed today she only brought celery and a nutrigrain bar for lunch. we shared the celery.
on the way to 7th hour at school today, i stumbled. behind me i heard some guy yell, "haha the fat chick almost fell!" then i heard laughing. then i found myself holding back tears. dan saw me in the hallway, texted me a few minutes later asking what was wrong. i told him what happened. he said, "sorry beautiful." i hung onto that for a few hours. but by the time dinner came and my mom was shoving plate after plate in front of me, i lost it.
hello, mia. hey ana. good to see you guys again. missed you :)
stay strong, think thin, live ana
at 7:09 PM