Wednesday, September 29, 2010

do you believe in fairies?

i've started seeing a therapist. i've said nothing about ana. but i know i'll be talking about these deep mood swings like i'm having right now. i like her, but i'm still cautious. i want to work through my trauma and my stress. for now, i'm leaving ana out of this.

i smoked blueberry kush last night. for you straightedge ana's, that means REALLY GOOD fuckin' weed. i've never been so high in my life. i just remember being really happy. i kept thinking of fairies, not hallucinating that they were there, just thinking of them. i've always loved fairies, even just the idea of them. so graceful, playful, happy. i just felt bubbly. like there was a warmth just permeating my body. i don't know how to describe it. but it was an amazing feeling...

when i woke up, there was a half eaten bowl of ice cream next to my bed. and i don't remember how it got there. the scale was merciful. no gain, but no loss. more than i deserve.

i want to be a fairy. i want to fly. all i am now is a fairy without wings. what kind of life is that? missing that one thing that makes you who you are, that you're lost without?

stay strong, think thin, live ana
xoxoNikkioxox

3 comments:

  1. I love fairies ^_^
    Or faeries <3
    They're so beautiful, graceful&Perfect

    ReplyDelete
  2. faeries for the win. :) You should stop smoking though! It gives you mad munchies. Cigarettes are way better. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. That's why i avoid weed. It makes me eat... We'll all be faeries once we're skinny enough for those wings to hold us up, and we'll be there soon. We just have to keep trying. Stay strong.

    ReplyDelete

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