i've started seeing a therapist. i've said nothing about ana. but i know i'll be talking about these deep mood swings like i'm having right now. i like her, but i'm still cautious. i want to work through my trauma and my stress. for now, i'm leaving ana out of this.
i smoked blueberry kush last night. for you straightedge ana's, that means REALLY GOOD fuckin' weed. i've never been so high in my life. i just remember being really happy. i kept thinking of fairies, not hallucinating that they were there, just thinking of them. i've always loved fairies, even just the idea of them. so graceful, playful, happy. i just felt bubbly. like there was a warmth just permeating my body. i don't know how to describe it. but it was an amazing feeling...
when i woke up, there was a half eaten bowl of ice cream next to my bed. and i don't remember how it got there. the scale was merciful. no gain, but no loss. more than i deserve.
i want to be a fairy. i want to fly. all i am now is a fairy without wings. what kind of life is that? missing that one thing that makes you who you are, that you're lost without?