Wednesday, August 4, 2010

some stretch of freedom. today came straight from hell.

molly texted me at lunch saying she was grounded. her mom found her stash of weed. she told me i should just break up with her. i'm sick of her saying that. i got more pissed off than i think i've ever been in my life. i didn't even bother getting a plate with food to pick at. i grabbed a cup of water and stomped over to the table. threw my phone down. lizzy looked at me like i was crazy. "no food???" she asked in disbelief. i just shook my head no, still furious beyond belief and holding back tears. we argued, over text (which is bullshit, btw), all through my lunch. eventually she fessed up that the way she got caught was by SMOKING BY HERSELF DOWNSTAIRS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY WHILE HER MOM WAS HOME. i flat out told her, "you need to quit. and if you don't i will leave. and no more hiding shit from me either. i don't want to find out about shit you've pulled after it's already bitten you in the ass. i'm fucking serious." i think she got the point. but she seems reluctant to try. because she always assumes the worst about the future. and if her attitude is, "well, i can't quit, i've tried to before and this time won't be different," then our relationship is pretty much screwed.

obviously upset with this and everything else, i asked my grandma to take me to taco bell. scarfed down a quesadilla, taco and burrito in both hunger and anger. 10 minutes after the last bite, it was being flushed away.

and after i stepped out of the shower, my grandma told me that my dad's coming to get me tomorrow night.

this is my last night.

i'm going to break down.

p.s.: i might not be able to post anymore after today. i will miss you all. stay strong, if only for me.


  1. gahhh. you need to post. you keep me strong my love! gahhh I'm going to dieeeeeee

  2. You can too this Nikki, Stay strong. We'll be waiting for you to come back to us!

  3. Yes, this is a "hater" comment. Delete as you may, but your whiny asss needs to hear this. "Letters from Ana"? Ana does not go wash away her troubles with Taco Bell. You are only some fat kid looking for attention. You do have an eating disorder, BINGE disorder. Change the name of the blog sweety. You will NEVER be skinny because you are no true anorexic. Who cares if you support pro ana? Accept that you are a tubby round girl and that is your role in society. No one will ever see you as the "poor starving girl". If only you fat girls could see how stupid you look by "crying hungry". We can all tell you are extremely well fed. Pro Obese, is what you are.

    Hugs and kisses, Jodi

  4. This is the second comment you've made that was meant to harm Nikki's self esteem and such. Something that really ticks me off is how some (not all, I'm not judging) "anas" always look down at "fat" people and think that they are better. I'm sure you've had problems too. If you were never fat, then why are you "ana?" Just think about it. This isn't a "hater" comment to you, just a "hey, open you're freaking eyes" comment.


*** note: hater comments will be deleted ***