personally, i think german is a beautiful language. i've been studying it for years (got a 4 on my AP test!!), and i just love the way words are crafted together. so i decided to look up some ana-related words on a german dictionary, hoping to find something to change my last name to on my pro-ana facebook page (because EVERYONE's last name for their pro-ana page is "ana" or "thin" or something like that; i like to be unique). and when i looked up the word for "diet," i found that one of the words for it is "die Fastenkur." broken up, this means "fasting cure."
well you know what they say. thin is pure, starving is the cure.
this was oddly motivational to me. i've had a relatively good day, 666 cals (creepy, huh?). just one meal and a homemade cookie, the smallest out of a batch my grandma made today. i threw up lunch, the first time i've turned to mia in a long time, at least a few weeks. it was somehow comforting, watching that waffle re-emerge in the toilet while i waited for the shower to heat up. finally, after days of having so little control over anything, i got to take control of something in that oh so familiar way. i don't plan to do this all the time, but it was a nice little revisit. and it saved me from at least 400 calories.
i'm in a mood to rant but i can't bring myself to find the creative words i need right now. maybe tomorrow they'll come to me.
until then, i'll stick with my Fastenkur.
stay strong, think thin, live ana