Tuesday, December 8, 2009

worst week ever.

here i am, standing on the floor. it keeps bending and cracking under my weight. any second, it is going to break, and i am going to fall.

that is my life.

i have never been so stressed for so long. i'm overwhelmed. completely. i am drowning in all of this. i have a 4-person psychology project due friday that i am doing alone and am barely 1/5 of the way through. on top of this, i have a busy schedule with band practices and concerts, other homework, fuck, i even have to squeeze showers into my schedule this week. fasting is hard because with all the anxiety i just want to eat. i chew gum, and it helps a bit, but not nearly enough. i stole an idea from my friend anna who also has an eating disorder (but she doesn't know the extent of mine, nor is she pro-ana, nor does she know i'm pro-ana): she eats one snack a day, in 3rd hour. i have that class with her, and our little corner always brings food. rather than be tempted to eat everyone elses cookies, i sit back and enjoy a little back of baked cheetoes, 130 cals. it's enough to satisfy my mind for a few hours, and it keeps me from being tempted by worse foods. unfortunately, i don't have time to exercise, and over the weekend i gained back 4lbs.

i don't have time to exercise, i don't have the energy to purge, the only solution is to fast. and i'm going 'til saturday morning when i see molly. no. fucking. excuses. "you may as well be thin while all the crap flies around you." that's my motto this week.

stay strong, think thin, live ana

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