Saturday, December 5, 2009

commenting should work now, update

i messed around with the comment settings and you guys should be able to post comments now. i'm gonna delete the other blog now that it works.

okay girls, i really need your advice. me and my gf/ex/whatever it is now (let's just call her molly) are cool now, but not together. she came over yesterday and spent the night and we cuddled and talked and just had an awesome time, and she officially told me that she IS going to come back, just not right now, because of the whole situation with the other girl lauren. she's talking to lauren tonight, so she'll probably figure that part out then. so we're good now, i'm still getting her a one year present and everything, and i think things will get better from here.

but here's the part i need advice on. two incidents happened. first, thursday night we were playing truth or dare and i asked her what she would do if i went anorexic. she said "i would be pissed." "why?" "cuz it's dumb.." okay then... and last night she told me she wouldn't be able to date me if i was skinny. she said she loves my body the way it is now, and if i got thin there would be nothing to hold on to. i don't understand it. i think when she's laying down and her hip bones stick out a little it's really sexy. she's the opposite. i don't get what she sees... anyway, this brings me to a crossroad. what do i do? do i just use ana to get to a healthy weight and then stop? do i wait until she says i'm getting too thin? do i go all the way to 110 no matter what? do i get underweight and sick so she'll never let go? do i leave her behind in the quest for flawlessness? i really don't know what to do. i haven't weighed in since thursday night, and have been eating since yesterday morning. i want to do a five-day fast starting tomorrow, but i really don't know what to do in the long run. thoughts? advice? please, i need you guys.

stay strong, think thin, live ana
xoxoNikkioxox

1 comment:

  1. If you're going to do a five day fast, I am going to join you. of course, I'll have to keep it a secret, and can't post it on the blog or anything (made promises to the boyfriend about not fasting...) but I'll definitely keep you updated in texts. :]

    I think you should do what your heart tells you to do. People tell me all the time they don't think I should lose more weight. But I try anyway. I just don't care what people think. And if they can't accept how I want to look, then they aren't important.

    ReplyDelete

*** note: hater comments will be deleted ***