Tuesday, November 24, 2009

a dark place

that's what i'm in.

saturday i cut myself 3 times, burned myself, and tried to get drunk off mouthwash.

i'm all fucked up inside. it's as simple as that.

i cannot remember the last time i went a day without throwing up. my average is 2-3 times a day now. full on bulimia.

nor can i remember the last time i smiled without faking it, the last day i went without crying, the last time, for just a moment, that i felt truely, truely happy.

i have no friends. i'm a freak. a loner. broken. unwanted. unloved.

i want to numb the pain away. just starve myself into a withering mess. because if i'm going to be a mess, i may as well be thin.

how is it possible to feel this sad?

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