Wednesday, September 16, 2009

stuck here...

i'm bloated and i fucking hate it. i don't know what to do. i've only lost 1.5 lbs so far on this fast and it's the third fucking day. i bet if my bloating went down i'd drop another two at least. i took 4 laxatives at 1pm, double the recommended dose, and it hasn't done anything that i've noticed. i'm still bloated. i still feel like i need to cleanse my body. hence, tomorrow is a water fast.

i'm on the 3rd day of my four day fast and finally i've had a day where i haven't eaten a THING. tomorrow is a water fast to tie everything up, then i'll eat around 800 cals friday to boost my metabolism, then have a "minimal-eating" weekend, basically anything besides sugar, fat, and carbs: fruits, veggies, soy milk, low-fat cheese, some protein and fiber. sounds like a lot, but these are just my options. i'll average around 400 to 500 cals a day. besides, with a marching competition saturday i HAVE to eat, otherwise it's just being stupid and asking for trouble, and sunday i'm hanging out with the gf, which also forces me to eat a little.

i'm such a little sneak. i keep just bringing food into my room, chew and spit a bite, then throw the rest away. my parents see me bring food in my room which makes them think i'm eating, that one chew-spit bite keeps my taste buds satisfied, and i ingest virtually no calories. it works out pretty well for me. like i keep saying, going without food is getting easier and easier. the only problem is lunch, where all the temptations are right in front of me, and i can't really refuse a bite when my excuse for not getting my own lunch is that i have no money for it. i'm going to start skipping that a lot. chill out in the library and get some homework done. much better use of my time than getting fat.

hopefully this bloating is either a result of the fast or it'll go away in a couple days if i get my "monthly gift." i can't tell which is causing it because my periods are so sporatic. i don't care so long as it goes away...

even though i'm bloating, i KNOW i'm losing fat underneath all this water weight. i've finally gotten back that fuzzy feeling in my head whenever i stand up from sitting, that euphoria that comes along with it all. a few aches in my joints have also sprung up, but it'll all be worth it 50lbs down the road when i finally reach my ultimate goal of 110lbs.

stay strong, think thin, live ana

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