Monday, August 10, 2009

this one time at band camp...

band camp was horrible as far as eating goes. every meal was an all you can eat buffet of greasy shit. i stayed vegetarian the whole way though so hopefully that helped. and we marched a total of about eight hours a day, which definately helped. i still dont' know how much i weigh after that weekend, i'm trying to flush out my system a bit first (thank you, laxatives!) but i will update as soon as i know.

mom's taking me school clothes shopping next week, so i really have to slim down by then so i can fit into smaller clothes. today i'm eating minimal, small meals and no snacks, and tomorrow the fast begins. i don't even have a set fasting regimen, i'm just going as long as i can stand. i need to slim down before school! wish me luck. god i hope i haven't gained after that weekend... i need to get back in that ana mindset! i still have 5 days to get into the 150s range. hopefully this will only require about a pound a day, which can't be too hard... god, why did i have to pig out so fucking much this weekend? i'm so angry with myself. i could feel myself jiggle while i marched and it was horrible. people have pictures up from camp and i look like hell. my stomach is practically pouring over the waistline of my pants. it's godawful and embarrassing. i was supposed to be in a bikini by band camp this year. that was what i told myself at the beginning of the summer. that didn't happen. i am no where near bikini worthy. i have failed myself and because of that it is so hard to get back on track. at this point half of me wants to destroy my body and wither away and the other half just says, "why fucking bother? you're just gonna fail again." i'm so depressed...

sorry this update is so short. i really don't have much else to say...

stay strong, think thin, live ana
xoxoNikkioxox

1 comment:

  1. Awe : ( I'm sorry hun that you are feeling down : ( You will lose a lb a day or more fasting, so it is possible. And you will do this! You aren't a failure! Camp is the worst for food : / You should do abcs with me when you're done with your fast! I started yesterday ; )
    Stay strong <3

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