Monday, July 6, 2009

getting back on track

after a weekend of 4th of july parties, little sister's birthday madness, and other such temptations, i don't even want to know how much i weigh. i tried to get away to throw up in a lot of situations but never got a chance. i feel so uncomfortably FULL. seriously, i don't think my body is used to eating so much. which is good. on top of my food dilemmas, i also had some love life and family life problems which have given me some new motivation:

1. when i am thin and hot, my gf will never want to let me go. she keeps getting confused about her feelings for me (after going out with me nearly 7 MONTHS mind you). if i'm so light she has to hold me onto the earth, she can never let go. if i'm thin, i'll be hot, and irresistable, and she'll fall head over heels in love with me all over again.

2. when i am thin, it will be the ultimate revenge on my cuntmuffin of a mother. she is so fat it's absolutely disgusting. and every time i diet she sabotages me. i'm not even kidding. it's all a game to her and she doens't wanna be the only fatass left in the house. she wants to play games? fine. i'll play them right back.

3. when i am thin, my grandma will get off my fucking back about my weight. she's always dragging me outside and to the pool and everything active because she thinks i need to lose weight and she's always making sarcastic comments about my weight/eating. i'll show her.

i'll show EVERYONE. they don't think i can do it. i don't even get support from my gf because she's like "OMG YOU'RE FINE THE WAY YOU ARE!!" but even she will admit that i "don't look like i should be fat." i thank all my readers and my new texting buddy Kat (Quest for Perfection) for the support. i'm not getting it from anywhere else, and i need you.

ana's voice has been stuck in my head all day at gym, telling me to run faster, push myself harder, and she'll give me everything i want, everything i dream. i have obeyed. i had a no-carb energy drink this morning (20 cals), worked my ASS OFF at gym, and am now enjoying a fuji chicken salad from Panera bread, no chicken, nuts, dressing or tomatoes (approx. 350 cals, and lettuce is supposedly negative so i think i'm good!) and chew-spitting the bread. i'll just have to purge my way out of my little sister's bday dinner tonight and i can call this a good day. tomorrow thru thursday will be a water fast, but i might allow myself a glass of V8-Fusion light if i deem myself worthy. wish me luck tonight and this week!

stay strong, think thin, and one day you will fly

xoxoNikkioxox

1 comment:

  1. I know how you feel with everyone always getting onto you for how fat you are. My grandparents, sometimes my mom did, and my little sisters would make fun of me to. But I lost 36 pounds (as of this morning I was 139.8) and now they're worried that I'm not eating enough (and I'm not, which is good)

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